para sa'yo

(disclaimer: the characters in this entry are all fictional.this entry is just made to release any pent-up emotions the author has.....)

sabi nila di ka pwedeng mabuhay ng masaya kung ni minsan ay di ka nagmahal o nakaramdam ng pagmamahal mula sa ibang tao.siguro totoo nga kasi ako laging masaya.maniwala kat hinde, maraming nagmamahal sa akin.nandyan ang nanay ko, na sa kabila ng pagnana-NAG araw araw (sa text) e nakukuha akong hanapin pag nawala ako ng isang linggo. ang kapatid ko na ang tingin sa akin e naglalakad na bangko dahil daig pa niya ang pulis kung humingi ng lagay pero kasundo ko sa ibat ibang kalookohan.ang girlfriend ko na kahit panay ang pintas sa mga dinedate kong mukha daw swelas ng sapatos, ay pinapautang pa din ako pag wala akong pandate.ang mga friendships ko na kahit panay ang dakdak sa kabagalan ko sa usaping pag-ibig ay matiyaga pa ding nakikinig at nagpapayo.at higit sa lahat sa iyo, na sa kabila ng kahinaan ko sa maraming bagay, ay wala pa ring sawang maghintay kung kailan darating ang tamang panahon sa atin.
gaya ng math. bata pa ako, halos ingudngod na ni mama ang mukha ko sa math books, pero hanggang ngayon, duguan pa din ang ilong ko pag nagccompute ng numbers.tuwang tuwa ka naman dahil kung ikaw ang gumawa nun, pati tenga mo dudugo.
isa pang kahangahang kong trait ay ang galing ko sa pagnanavigate. bigyan mo ako ng directions papunta sa liblib na lugar at makakaasa ka na maliligaw ako gaano man kadali tuntunin ang lugar.kagaya nung pumunta tayo sa golden acres.buti na lang ang babaan ay dun mismo sa dulo ng trip. kung sa baguio papunta ang bus na sinakyan malamang nasa pampanga na tayo bago tayo magising.
pag nag-overnight tayo somewhere, di kita papatulugin sa sobrang kulit ko.nandyang makipagpustahan ako sa iyo hanggang maubos na ang pera mo at tubuan ka ng eyebags sa puyat. di pa dun natatapos yun.pag tulog na ako, magg-grind pa ako ng ngipin habang natutulog.di pa ko masisiyahan, pag mainit ang panahon, asahan mo na dadapo sa panga mo ang siko ko o kaya matatamaan ko ang "family jewels" mo ng isa kong tuhod.di ka man lang magagalit, bagkus panonoorin mo pa kong matulog, wondering kung san ako pinaglihi.
pag umuulan,alam na alam mong ayoko mababasa ang paa ko, kaya kasehodang buhatin mo ako mula espana hanggang morayta, papayag ka, wag mo lang marinig ang pag wa-whine ko sa daan.kahit di halos nagkakalayo ang timbang natin
the irony of it all is that you can't muster enough courage to tell me how you feel about me.di ko tuloy alam kung ano reason mo for doing all those things that you do.i can fill up the entire blogspace to write all the good things you've done for me but it won't change the fact that you, of all people, dont have the guts to open your heart and let me in on your little secret. nonetheless, this one's for you :)

on the road to spinsterdom...

Im 29 years, 10 months and 12 days old today. In this age of unplanned pregnancy, failed marriages, philandering husbands and unfaithful wives, yours truly has been oblivious to my so-called love life, until today. It’s not as if I have one though. The news came as a shock. I woke up at 3 am in the morning and saw my phone lighting up. That means I have a text. 2 text messages rather. One from a Xgirl (a very good friend) asking if I had read “BROWNIE’s” text. Yes mah friends the famous brownie from my other entries. The one who would carry me on his back on the way home, who’d write me mushy letters about our ideal friendship, the only guy who would love me (come what may) more than his numerous girlfriends. Brownie, who would have been a candidate for my search (in the near future) for the ideal sperm (to meet up with my superior egg), is now a dad. Since I read the text in a rather sleep-conducive hour, I just shrugged it off but managed to congratulate him nonetheless. And to my surprise, he thanked me. Omigas!!!! This isn’t one of my wacky dreams where I would be a beggar begging for jaguar cars one minute and the next celebrating my wedding in a McDo joint. Those weird dreams often haunt me, you know. But this one with brownie is real. I woke up 6 hours after, feeling awful. Then it dawned on me, we can no longer have “our” first-born!! His was already born 24 hours ago. Not that I still pine for him after all these years, its just that he became a security blanket, that someday, when the world gets tired of chinovelas and showbiz talk shows, we will realize that no one would accept us except each other (mush mush mush). Or maybe a gauge. That I’m waiting for him to get laid first (its not his first time though). Oh well you know what I mean. What’s insulting is we had dinner last week and he didn’t even had the guts to tell us. We’re supposed to be best friends. And yet he’s hiding something.
But wait there’s more, a friend from my previous work also got married recently. Pregnant as well and what, she’s only 24. Okay okay 24 is a suitable age but hey isn’t it a lil too early to settle down after a few months engagement? And lastly, the guy I dated for many months is exchanging vows this weekend, and I’m attending. I’m happy for him though since I don’t see a future for us (give us 15 minutes and we’d be chewing each other’s heads off). Which leaves me to ponder which path am I going to? I’m trapped between being choosy and being picky. Hmmmm… is there a difference? I don’t think so. That’s because I cant see myself settling for someone I just met or any guy who comes along. He has to be special. There has to be a “chemistry” between us. Otherwise I won’t be comfortable thinking I settled for someone less than what I am looking for. Sure there are thousands of guys there but not one is my match. Or maybe I have to dig deeper to see if there’s a spark. But what if I don’t have a guy cut out for me? Whaaaaat? U tell me while I continue this journey to spinsterdom.