miss match

Amidst couples hurrying to walk down the aisle, I sat here in front of my monitor pondering why they do. Don’t get me wrong, I have dreams of having my own family, raising kids (preferably with a husband), cooking their meals, preparing their things (yes, odd as it may seem, I see myself staying at home and being a full time domestic helper) etc. maybe everything boils down to me being raised by my single working mom (not that she was unmarried, but they parted ways when I was still in my diapers-good for her). and the thought of the “perfect” mom you see in commercials appeal to me so much. I never experienced going home from school and be offered a glass of milk which I have to drink “all the way down”. I have a happy childhood though. It was my tita edith who would attend to me after school, serve me lunch and mango shake or spend time with me eating semi-ripened papaya dipped in vinegar (which makes me realize now how weird that snack was). I loved it back then. Going back, I love my mom no less. Had she been a plain housewife, I wouldn’t know where we’re gonna get money for my education. She’s been (still is) a responsible and loving mother, not very sweet though. Maybe that’s why im also like this: A walking mirror. If your dress doesn’t suit you, you’ll know just by asking me. That’s why I can’t be a saleslady. I also wouldn’t give out sugar-coated comments like most nice friends do but I send the message across at a flick of the finger, it may hurt most of the time but you’ll see the real situation in a few seconds. Which brings me back to the topic why im not hitched yet. I have a theory that most Filipino men are afraid of women who have a very strong personality. Even if I try to be nice, my appearance would fail me. I look like your modern-day contrabida. A callous looking stare (which I don’t mean when I try to check people out),a height that can rival any average Filipino, which according to my friends, intimidate the prospective suitors. Not to mention my being straight forward. I just don’t like guys giving me insincere compliments (you’d know that. Women’s intuition probably-though I don’t look like a woman hehehe). If I feel that there’s no future, why waste their time and mine? Frank as I am, I never would be able to tell a guy I have the hots for him. Call it pride or whatever you wanna call it, I just won’t. Even if I think about him all the time (literally) and harbor fantasies of growing old with that person. Well, maybe that explains it. No solution for that for now, so in the meantime, I’ll just be content in being unattached for another 5 years or so. Pathetic!